What's in a name?

I finally took the plunge - I officially changed my name. I think it took me most of the summer to get used to the new name.

I started off small -- at work, changing my email tag and signature. THEN - I took the step of introducing myself with my new last name. I soon realized, by the way, that I was GLAD that I didn't choose to hyphenate. Its a real pain to spit out a bunch of names on an introduction.

So this week - I finally headed over to the Social Security Administration..the first step in the official name change. This process...which I have had nightmares over took me less than 10 minutes. I have to say, it was creepy watching that woman look at her computer though, when she asked me to confirm my Dad's name, I realized how much info she must be able to see on that little screen.

However, bolstered by the ease of the SSA, armed with a false sense of security, two days later I headed over to the dreaded DMV. Now THAT was an entirely different experience. An hour and half later I ambled out of there with this sheepish sense of "its official" and a new ID (and a new photo, damn it, I was really attached to that photo of me from when I was 24.). Today, I went to the bank and after the short wait, the paperwork took less than 5 minutes there too. All that's left is the passport and my accounts.

I began to feel a little nostalgic. It was almost TOO easy to change my name. I mean, I could have walked in there and said filled out an application to make my name "Dummy McSnorter" and I don't think anyone would have blinked. I have liked my name...I never really planned on changing it, after all..its who I am! Everything I have ever done, been and owned is in that name. I became glad that I have (over the years) created a sub-identity with my first initial, I became glad that IT wouldn't be vacating my ID, or my identification. I suddenly became even MORE attached.


I didn't give up THAT much I guess. I moved my maiden name to my middle name...and of course...I'll ALWAYS be:
-T.

PS - to celebrate the new name - check out the new avatar!!

The Question of the Day

I have had a most frustrating realization today: when you ask a question, most people will tell you the answer to a question you didn't ask..didn't need to know...but none the less satisfies their urge to answer A question, whether or not its the answer to the question you asked.

It began today, during the interview process (we are interviewing for a new position):
Q. "so how did you measure the success of that (marketing program)?"
A. "well, as I said, there was a marketing program in place in which we distributed many samples."
Q. "did the company you worked for feel it was a success?"
A. "well, there was another group that came in after us."

HUH?!!!! OK.

Here's another:
Q. Do you also have time to give me a pedicure?
A. Let me check (insert Vietnamese talking)....Are you the 5:30 appointment?
I didn't even GET an answered until I was ushered over to the pedicure station.

And Again:
Q. Are you prepared with your response when she asks for a discount?
A. Well, they sold out.

See? The insanity?! How does that answer my question?

And the granddaddy that sent me to the blog tonight:
Q. What is a leasehold and what are the advantages? What areas do you recommend within our price range? What should we consider about buying property there?
A. "Here are some listings and my second choice of area's for you."

One time my boss told me that when people ask me questions, I should learn not to directly answer them, but rather make a comment that is "on message". Sort of like the white house press secretary when bombarded with questions he would prefer not to answer.

I felt that advice was poor for several reasons: I don't think it inspires confidence, suggests that you didn't listen to the question (either because you don't care, you think it isn't relevant to YOUR agenda, or your too stupid to get through the entire question) and in any case, evasive. I now realize that this not a specialized skill (i.e. White House Press Secretary) but rather, an acceptable form of communication.

Q. What ever happened to answering a question directly? (Or at least asking some other questions to make sure you understand the INTENT of the question so to answer it directly.)
A. (go ahead. Try and answer the question directly. I dare you.)

So Yah Say Its Your Birthday

Yes. It is. I'm 35 (on a Monday. THAT'S APPROPRIATE) Its one of those that kind of stops you in your tracks. For me, it makes me
look back - and - forward.

All my life its been a fight for independence. First, I fought my parents...then I fought my teachers...then I fought my bosses...then I started my own company and fought my self-doubts and debt collectors...and then I fought off love....and then...I stopped fighting. I started realizing that the fight was taking the fight out of me - and picking my battles had its place. And as soon as I stopped fighting and started just accepting, I grew up a bit...and I have been growing up since..and that just started after I turned 30. I realized too, that the things I resisted most, were the things that ultimately brought me my either my biggest awakenings or my biggest joys. My husband, Jeff and my dog, Rudy come to mind. Two things I swore I would never do..that I can no longer even imagine living without.

I realize..I have lots more to do..lots more growing.

Contrast this with our visit to Fort Collins this weekend to see Piper, who turned 2! When I looked at Piper, looking at the world, I realized that she sees everything through her own eyes, she sees it a new. She might ask what something is, but ultimately, she is forming her own opinion about everything...and the baggage that comes along with life isn't hers. Its all fresh. She eats ice cream with a deadly seriousness, she looks at flowers with concentration and curiosity, she steps into freezing cold water without a single "YELP" she laughs with abandon on the swing and marvels at new colors. When I watched her, I realized that my world can be that too...if I would just give into it and enjoy it with the deadly seriousness that a 2 year old approaches ice cream...even if it means getting dirty with sprinkles on my nose.

Jeff and I have some exciting choices to make over the next few weeks. And for once, I'm not fighting it. I AM scared, but in that exhilarating way that makes you realize that you should probably do it - if only because your scared to. Sort of like how I felt the first time I went SCUBA diving. Which maybe, JUST maybe, we'll be doing more of in the near future.

And when I looked at Piper...I saw my sister and I hear her voice. Her wise, loving voice. She really has always been the Lionheart of the two of us. I'm the loud one, but its all smoke and noise (you know that already though)..her, she is really brave. She looks, she analyzes and then, she dives right in. She got her PhD right after I finished up my BA, she moved away from home after high school (and never again lived anywhere near PHX), I still live within 5 miles of where we moved 20 years ago and two blocks from my parent's last house as a married couple. I am scared out of my whits to be a parent - she's on her SECOND! And when I told her I was afraid of this next potential journey, she said it would be good for my marriage...and she said it with authority! And when I cried this weekend, when we said goodbye, I was crying on her shoulder..hard. I read in her blog tonight that she thought I was comforting her. So I guess that's what happens when you just give in and let it happen...it feels good, and everyone around you feels good about it too.

In that spirit...when we went to the New Belgium Brewery (home of Fat Tire) and my brother-in-law Brooks said that their sour beer tasted and smelled like dirty socks...I HAD to try it. And guess what? I TOTALLY loved it, and loved telling him that he was wrong. Brooks was more bitter than the beer and..well, I tried something new - and liked it...and enjoyed an old favorite, rubbing it in his face, and loved that too.