Happy Anniversary

Well, it happened..and it only took 365 days: Jeff and I celebrated our first year together as a married couple. While you'll nod your head and say "yep - congrats. don't pat yourself on the back too hard."

I would agree with you, after all, its the first of many. Like many couples, our first year as a married couple was full of adventure, and learning.

And yet - anniversaries are worth recognizing for the same reason birthdays are: its a time to take stock. Its a time to share a smile. Its a time to dream. Its a time to tell someone what they mean to you.

Jeff and I did all of that. With joy.

I am proud to be married to Jeff. I found myself telling someone this week that the reason I married Jeff is that he makes my life better, richer and more loving. I married him because I wanted to, not because I felt I needed to. I married a partner, a friend, and a lover. I married someone who makes me laugh, lets me cry, eats what I cook and cleans the kitchen. I married someone who loves me as I am and lets me love him as he is. I married someone who is emotionally honest and intellectually strong. I married a man with a twinkle in his eye, adventure in his heart and the ability to give a great hug. He holds my hair and holds my hand. I married a romantic, a realist and a life enthusiast. I married my SCUBA diving partner, my skiing buddy and world travels dreamer. I married the beach bum and the business man.

I am so glad that I married this man - who makes me a better person and who I continue to love more and more each day. With Jeff, so many things are possible, including even more love.

Normal Only Better

Life has been...well, normal. I find myself reading the business section of the paper without wandering over to the financial section to see if I can afford a wedding...I find myself sleeping through an entire night without a SINGLE dream about flowers, cake or weather. I find myself sitting blankly in front of my computer with no urgent emails or decisions to make (I make all those during the day.) We have even had a weekend without some lame appointment that was sure to send me into a tiz. WE SAW A MOVIE (Shrek) and I don't think that has happened in almost a year! Our house is clean and back to normal. In case your wondering..this is the normal brain scan of a normal woman..and once again...gratefully, that is me.

Another side note of perks of normal life is that I am enjoying things I enjoyed before (cooking) and now things that I haven't enjoyed in 15 years: riding a bike (which we got for our wedding!!) with my new husband. I have blogged TWICE this week!! I might continue to grow my hair out for the enjoyment of it - rather that the deadline of a long-haired wedding...ditto for the gym. Its SO much more fun to go to the gym without looking in every mirror and imagining that the most awful part of it will be magnified in white.

I also find that all this normalcy is even better than normal before. Yes, its true, that its because the honeymoon period is possibly the best thing I have ever experienced. All my favorite things are better -- in no small part that Jeff is here and we're doing lots of it together. When I watch movies where people are getting married...my mind wanders over the to the most perfect day of my life. When I look (AGAIN) at the pictures, I see myself laughing and smiling throughout the entire day...and I realize that I am so glad we did it that way. We had a day of love and happiness, and that is what a wedding should be. We were surrounded by people who were happy for us - who wanted to be part of our joy. We were celebrating our love. And every day seems like a small celebration of love.

OK - so the honeymoon period isn't "normal" but it sure IS great.

Wedding Friday

Its getting closer: vendors are calling for their cash, the RSVP's are more or less complete, the wedding gifts have even been arriving already! It feels a little like Christmas...only a little (just a LITTLE) more expensive, and a little (just a LITTLE) more earth shaking.

Today, we confirmed out cake count, opened at least 5 boxes of gifts, GOT OUR MARRIAGE LICENSE, and I have a fitting today! We must be two weeks out from our big day...every day I find myself more and more distracted, much to the dismay of the owner of our company who is a little tired of hearing from me whenever I messed up and need to come to him hat in hand.

Though this entire process, I have been, well, kvetching about how time consuming it is..how crazy it all is. And yet, today, I found myself dreaming about how much fun I had looking at dresses when a friend of mine who announced HER engagement told me about her dress experience. I DO realize that I will wish I had more time to enjoy it or that I enjoyed it more..but the truth really is, with exception of some really fun moments, it really hasn't been that great for me. Its scary, and chaotic and deeply personal. Its a time for me to say good-bye to the carefully cultivated self image of a independent wild woman and find room in that personality for an independent wild wife. I know she's there..I just never thought I would have to dig her out. But as I look around at the chaos here, I know its ALMOST over...and life with the man I love will settle into some sort of routine (for better or worse, that).

Well..maybe if I spend more time getting to know the independent wild wife side of me...that routine WON'T be so boring. =)

Hope to see you all in a couple of weeks.

Full Mailbox

OOOOOOOH - people!! Here you come!! WHOOOPIE!!! My mailbox was FULL of RSVP's today!! SUCH FUN!!
I'm such a nut case, I didn't wait for them to come rolling in to start on the table assignments, and what fun I am having with THAT! I'm truly enjoying imagining my friends sitting together...sometimes I think "WOW - I wish I could sit with THEM!", sometimes I chuckle and think "THIS will make some wedding memories.." and sometimes I think..."Yah..maybe not at the SAME table.." Anyway - I'm having fun. Thanks for sending the RSVP's! Your all surprising me with your promptness!

Hey! I'm jazzed!! Your coming! Your really coming!!!

YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

A life in Chaos

This picture pretty much sums it up: There are bikes to be assembled in my living room, several boxes of "Wedding Stuff" near the door...the dog is desperate to be walked...and all I can do is put on the Scuba gear that Mia is loaning me for my upcoming classes...so - in short: my judgment has, (as they say in the "biz"): "jumped the shark". Notice, in said photo, my hair has "nap-itis", there is a spot on my shirt...AND...I am grinning like a fool --- AT MY FIANCE. Yes, its true - he has seen me in this state of mind (or lack there of) and still remains in my life. Anyone who says he ISN'T a saint clearly doesn't understand the cross he bears. The things you don't see in this photo, (in order of disaster rating, high to low): the upstairs bathroom and all my junk on the counter...countless piles of laundry scattered throughout and the delivery food sitting in the kitchen (because I simply CAN NOT cook on this night - said with a delicate hand on the forehead). I find myself repeating, over and over: "Fiji...Fiji....Fiji..." while I believe that Fiji will be the dream vacation of a lifetime, I must admit, if could be "Rocky Pointe..Rocky Pointe...Rocky Pointe" and right now, it would probably still be the only thing bringing me to a "normal" blood pressure.
You should also know that I desperately also wanted those bikes to be assembled that evening - so much so, that I asked Jeff to go to Home Depot to get needed tools for the "some assembly required". But, by the time he got back, I had already opened the wine and was on to the next thing. This ADD and wine combo rescued Jeff from a Saturday night in Chaos...unfortunately for him..it is unlikely to deliver him from a LIFE free of Chaos.

And so....on this Sunday night - as I examine my schedule for Monday morning...I decided, once again to delay the arrival of further Chaos and instead write in my blog. So as promised in the last entry - I have spread my personal craziness across the internet - nothing is sacred...nothing is safe...from the crazy witch-mermaid with with the snorkel and fins.

It's Official: It's Fiji for Sure

BULA! (Welcome in Fijian!)
its true, we are headed to Fiji. I have never been out of the country (except Mexico, which barely counts) for a vacation (I did get to go to Hawaii for vacation, but its STILL the USA!)..and my beloved is taking us to a place where we can only bring 15lbs of luggage and can't, LET ME REPEAT: CAN'T wear shoes.
I mean, any sane person would question these tactics of my future husband to challenge both my shoe fetish and my staggering ability to pack EXACTLY the allowable baggage weight limit into my suitcase. HOWEVER: I can not WAIT.In all the pictures of this exotic locale - people are smiling =) God, I am a sucker for marketing. But really, I plan on smiling the entire time, so why shouldn't they? Apparently, Fijians are very accommodating and so incredibly friendly. Which we are counting on...well, this journey..has a journey to tell:

Jeff and I both felt that this was to be the vacation of our lives. We knew - that because we are both in sales and are planning to have a family, that 2 weeks vacation before we retire would be, well - not likely. We wanted sun, sand...scuba..and something different. Some place that going for a week would be hard to do...so we looked to the South Pacific. Without going into the ENTIRE decision making process, we ultimately decided on Fiji (Did you know that English the is official language?!). We also wanted all inclusive. That narrowed our choices down a bit. We also decided we needed a travel agent who could give us the "411" on the places - after all - they ALL had pictures of smiling people. We had a REALLY hard time finding a good travel agent - we had several we talked to who just didn't answer our questions. We finally actually contacted the resort we thought we wanted to go to, and asked them to put us in touch with an agent. She was great - and immediately, she looked up the location where we thought we wanted to be and told us two things: 1) that resort does not have beaches per se, but rather volcanic rocks that are beautiful and great for hiking. Not so great for the beach bunnies though. 2) She also told us that there was some kind of conference there that week for people who were "cleansing their bodies" read: longingly watching us while we ate and drank our fill of "all inclusive".

So - we axed that choice. We then narrowed it down to a couple of other choices, and it came down to price; we really couldn't spring it for the 1st choice. But our second choice was pretty rocking..great beaches, great snorkling - highly recommended with great reviews. BUT - we did NOT actually make the reservation or book the tickets. This was in October.

In November there was a military coup in Fiji. Yep. Who even knew there was a military there?! I giggled and said "it will be over by the time we go" In December, many countries issued travel warnings to Fiji. I frowned a bit, but said, huh...maybe we should look elsewhere...or maybe we could get a DEAL. We sat on it a bit. Actually, I furiously searched for other places that would compare. We kinda had our hearts set on Fiji.

In January, we called our travel agent, who discussed our options with us and told us that she has had people there all along, and everything has been fine. And then sent us this deal: buy your flight for about 50% off each ticket, and stay 4 days FOR FREE at that resort you couldn't afford. Ok - that did it - we are booking this week! And betting on a knowledgeable travel agent and friendly natives.

I have faith in the Fijians. And really - what's the worst that can happen? We have to stay longer?!

Are you curious yet? Here is the resort: Vatulele

And, we promise that in our luggage will be a camera. No shoes. But a working camera. No computer, cell phone or fax...but a camera. And we might even bore you with the slide show when we come back!! =)

My its been a long time since I wrote - call me driven to distraction. I won't list all the distractions...because honestly, it is utterly BORING (it has to do with colors, fabrics, paper weight and wax). It also has to do with the fact that I have a job - a job I love, but which you will find utterly boring if I tell you all my distractions. SO - this week when I told someone that planning the wedding is really a distraction to what the entire event is all about - they nodded knowingly, and then sent me the poem below. It was with a sense of gigantic relief that someone else felt the same way enough to write it down:

On the brink of married life, you wait with wonder

On the brink of married life, you wait with wonder:
the coming moment, mystic and mundane,
Brings law and love incongruously together
to form a bond both passionate and sane.
For now it has to be about the party:
Guests must be fed, clothes bought, proceedings planned;
But underneath is abiding beauty,
redeeming what decencies demand.
Praised be the pillars on which we place our lives,
Standing more secure than else we might;
And praised be those in whom such senses survives,
Whose love becomes for all a source of light.
So we do celebrate, as the moment nears,
A love that counts its happiness in years.
-Unknown

Priceless Wedding Advice

I have gotten ALOT of advice about weddings as of late...and most of it is pretty mundane - but I got some tonight that was just TOO RICH not to pass on. Soda came flying out of my mouth and my nose...as all I could do was imagine having to find out how deadly well-intentioned and innocent "quick fixes" can be.

All identifying information has been changed to protect the innocent. .

Allow me to set the scene: the discussion is about heat in April in Phoenix, and the fact that it CAN get quite warm in April in Phoenix. My (nameless) friend asked: "is your dress strapless?" and I innocently said "yes, why?" We talked for a minute about why its MUCH better to have sleeveless as opposed to the showcase for sweat stains that a long sleeve dress in heat could be..and then she said... I never saw this coming..I swear:

"well, you'll be fine. Just don't put powder on - as I did - and make gravy."

Excellent advice. Most excellent I have had all day.

There is nothing I could possibly add that would make that any funnier to me.

I FEEL LIKE ESCAPING - thank god for AVATARS!!

Wedding Scratching Post "Part Un"

OK - I swore this wasn't going to be the scratching post for my wedding...unfortunately for all of you (or the one of you) who read this particular post and possibly for all others that follow...I have GOT to vent. For the record: I also SWORE I didn't want any drama attached to my wedding...and that possibility has been eliminated as well...so I say "what the hell...throw caution to the wind!!"

Remember last post that said life has taken over my life? What I neglected to tell you, was that the way I have chosen to deal with this is to be very, VERY disciplined with my time (thus, lack of blogging)...in other words, to work when I need to work, to schedule meetings so I miss very little work, to plan ahead and make sure I can be where I need to be, or not do it at all. What this means is that when things change in my schedule, I find it VERY hard to be gracious...as I am working VERY hard to make sure everything gets done..for work, for wedding...for workouts (see posting re: time sucks) including my real life...which includes friends (or those I will have left after planning a wedding).

SO...in between the wedding planning chaos...I have decided that I could really use a wedding planner for the day-of and to possibly get me through the stress of that last week when details seem to be piling up (as if they aren't already)....and a particular planner came highly recommended, and described to be as approachable in cost and personality. Sounds like MY KIND of girl...I was trying to limit the phone tag, so I thought that I would spend some time with her, and if she wasn't in the budget or I didn't like her, I would go elsewhere. Please allow me to preface... I really didn't want to hire a wedding planner so that I could complicate my life even further with phone tag and canceled appointments... Well...wedding season in AZ is pretty much October and April...suffice to say..she is a little busy..none the less..we played phone tag for well over a week....when we finally connected, we agreed to meet - 2 weeks later (that would be tomorrow). TODAY - she left me a message with a long message about how she would like to reschedule, blah, blah blah....UGH...this came 5 minutes after Jeff canceled the regularly scheduled Thursday night date (which is in a couple of hours). LET ME CLARIFY: Anyone who tells a bride that during this time it is "all about her" really means that its about her as long as it fits into everyone else's timeframe and conveience. No one cuts any slack. Its like "what's the big deal? I'm busy too!" THIS IS WHY BRIDEZILLA WAS BORN, people..this is IT.

Regarding the wedding planner...I am meeting with another....I...I'm not sure what to do about the fiance.

I'm BAAAAAAAACK!

bAnd only ONE person!! ONE person missed me. To that one person, let me say this: your daughter is perfect and she has AMAZING parents..

On to ME! I haven't been here in sometime due to several constraints on my time...they are, in order of time-suck:
1) Work
2) Wedding
3) Working Out
A word about each in the order of appearance above:
1) nutty...busiest time of year and nutty, nutty, nutty. FREAKING NUTTY
2) Do you REALIZE how time consuming it is to plan a wedding!? WHOLLY WHITE WEDDING batman! I bet I spend 20 hours a MONTH doing this.
3) Are you FREAKING KIDDING ME?! You want me to do WHAT?! This nut case (in this context my trainer) wants me to work out twice a day..yah. He suggested that..OUTLOUD. I didn't even TRY and promise him THAT would happen.

What I am getting at here people, is that life has taken over my life. There is not as much time for Project Runway (this season's brainless TV favorite from the view of MY couch)..and I am not seeing NEAR enough of the people who don't read this blog (aka friends) and really..I mean....its NUTS.

Anyway - I wanted to share some interesting things I have come across recently:
www.jimhjelm.com
www.billlevkoff.com
www.barijay.com

Fascinating. Aren't they?

See why my mind is mush? Did someone say something about North Korea? What was it that I heard?
Anyway....of to plan the wedding. The honeymoon isn't in North Korea, although I hear its BEAUTIFUL in May.

Wedding Characters Arrive

WOW - So I had two realizations this week: I have SO much to do....and while I keep thinking time is on my side..I'm feeling a little panicky. I guess I have felt this way about every 6 weeks since we started this journey. So that makes about twice since we got engaged. So, considering I haven't gone absolutely BRIDEZILLA yet I think I am holding it together quite nicely. Indeed.



I DID have an "event planner" moment this week. One of those moments where finally the creative juices are stirring...and you go "DUH!! That would AWESOME!" The first time I had that moment was when I saw that you can buy doggie tuxes..and I begged, BEGGED Jeff to let Rudy walk down the aisle. He put his foot down. So I thought I would appeal to my Mom. She was absolutely NO help what-so-ever - I felt completely abondoned by the love of my life...and my OWN flesh and blood. I mean...really? Right? Ok. So I let it go. This one, which I will not reveal,...I will work and work and find a "Great Idea!" anywhere I can get it. Here's why: its completely appropriate, not to mention beautiful..not a budget buster...and UNIQUE. AND - everyone but my Mom and Jeff keep reminding me that it is MY day. Huh. Is it that they fear if they give an inch, I shall take the proverbial mile? Is it that they are trying to put-off the Bridezilla moments and don't want to put such a wildly nutty idea into my head? Well..I'm not giving it up. Nope. I'm not. Its not a Bridezilla moment...its a LEO moment (notice both characters have claws, by the way). Its a "why I went into sales" moment...its a "My Daddy gave me my way 1 too many times" moment...its a "I didn't hear that two letter word" moment. In short...its a totally "T" moment. Game On. And considering that no-one ever reads this blog...its a moment that I feel safe to express into the depths of oblivion. So - I shall update you on my progess...after all...its a marathon not a sprint. But damn - its a fast moving marathon. Which is quicker...a Leo or a Bridezilla?