Father's Day Tribute - Revisited

Today is Father's Day.

Its still a day that I honor in my heart, although my own father has been gone for quite some time now.

In honor of my Dad, and ALL things Dad, I am reposting my Father's Day Tribute from 2006:

Ode to Father's Day 2006

Its been three years since I had a reason to celebrate Father's Day...but gratefully, the celebration of all things "Daddy" is still with me...for some reason or another this week caught me pulling down the box of items that contains all the cards I received from people when my Dad passed. I kept them because many of them contained amazing wisdom and I felt that by keeping that wisdom with me - it would somehow be contained within me (you decide) but all of the cards contained exceptional kindness. If you sent me a card during that time - its still with me...and I cried as I re-read it this week. Also in the box are the cards that I gave my Dad over the last couple of years (yes, rat-packness runs in the family) which HE kept. There were Father's Day cards, and "just because" cards and truly grateful "thank you" cards. They all said the same thing: I admire you, I love you. And, I still do.Tonight I went past the house. The house where we were most a family - laughed the most, cried the most, celebrated the most...the house on Helena..its also the house my Dad passed away in. I sat there - I talked with my Dad-I asked him to be thankful for all the beautiful things in my life. I thanked him for his spirit which is still with me. I wished he were here to send me off on the next journey of my life: marriage with my soul mate.

I miss my Dad. Terribly. Everyday.

I rejoice that I still miss him. I pick the scab once in awhile to remind myself of my incredible good fortune. My Dad would be proud of my life today. He would say " I never thought it would be any different." But that's the thing: he knew it even when I didn't. He would be proud and excited for me that my future Father-in-Law is a man who I am honored to call "Dad" and would have been thrilled to share that title with a man who so wonderfully deserved such an honorific title. And he would have loved Jeff. He would have known why I love Jeff.My Dad would have reveled in being a Grandfather..and Piper would have followed in a line of "his ladies" in which his world revolved.All things beautiful are remembered once a year: love. parents. life. If we are really fortunate, we remember them more than once a year...and we celebrate them when we have them. My good fate has allowed me so much joy in my life, how can I NOT celebrate Father's Day. I hope you will all have the same joy in your hearts on Sunday -whether you are celebrating your father, a father figure or your own fatherhood.Love,-T.

Never Say Goodbye...Venture On...

My Dad used to spend alot of time in their backyard, it was actually a passion of his to take care of the yard and along with that came an appreciation for nature, especially birds. Many times I would walk into my parent's house to be immediately greeted with an update on the avian visitors.

One night, my sister, Brooks and I were sitting in my parent's backyard and a HUGE barn owl flew over the backyard and landed in one of the trees. His wingspan had to have been 3 feet. I told my sister and Brooks, "Wait until we tell Dad! He'll be amazed!" My Dad passed away the next day, very early in the morning. I never got to tell my Dad. That night, we knew my father was terminally ill, but we did not think his passing would come that night. The owl flew over our house just as my Mom rushed out of their bedroom to get a towel because my Dad was coughing up blood. It was probably then that he started dying, then that the owl flew over.

After I moved into my place on Bell Rd, which was right around the corner from my parent's old house, the house he passed away in, I heard the owl -- regularly. I always thought that it was my father saying goodnight. The owl came throughout the second year after my Dad passed and he tucked me in. He gave me peace. He gave me an on going connection to my Dad. It was as if he saw me through the darkness. Then, he left, just as Jeff and I were falling madly in love.

The night before Jeff and I left, he made a reappearance. He came once more. I have been wondering what my Dad would say about our leaving..and I had decided that he would support it in the name of adventure. I felt the owl's visit was my Dad again. I felt it was him seeing us off. I felt it was him reminding me that "good-bye" is only what you make of it...it is only good-bye, if it is so in your heart.

With this blessing from my Dad, I am reminded to appreciate the journey, empower the heart and go boldly, with his blessing and love into the next stage of my life, and spread my gigantic wings.

The Paradox of Time

Time. We either have too little or too much, and its movement is life's trick: we have no control over its passing, and yet its passing plays a significant role in each person's experience.

I've been struck over the last month, and in particular, the last week about the power of this resource. As the days get shorter, I'm reminded of the darkness that beset our family 4 years ago last month when my father passed. The night seemed endless and cruel. Over time, the darkness eased, and my family had many things to celebrate, including the birth of Piper and the marriage of Jeff and I. Our family seemed to have finally healed and found its way again. I found myself amazed, as this anniversary approached at how quickly this time had passed, and yet, how long ago it seemed. Its hard to believe that its been over 4 years since I heard my Dad tell me how proud of me he was.

And this week, as my 84 year old Nana recovers from an accident and my sister's pregnancy hangs in a delicate state, we again, feel the darkness of the impending shorter days and the urgency of time. For my Nana, we feel the good fortune of her many years of taking care of herself, the collective balance of time, contrasted with her other health issues such as increasing deafness and Alzheimer's both of which are simply the results of time passing. Time it atrophies. For my sister, each day is a good day, and can not come fast enough as she and her little baby remain in a collective state of her pregnancy. Each day we hope the new little Ramsey is growing fast and strong and my sister's good health keeps her and the baby safe and her pregnant for as long as possible, at 24 weeks, each day pregnant is a good day. Time it strengthens. In both cases, we are grateful for the doctors who seem to have their fingers on the pulse of time and be able to work within its confines. We are grateful for the passing of time that has brought us today's modern medicine.

At the same time, I'm grateful that not so much time has passed that I can't be here for these very important and life-changing times. And yet, the clock ticks, tocks, ticks, tocks in my mind...a pressing, perpetual sound that gets louder each day. Soon, I will look back on this time, instead of feeling caught in its web.

Is time my enemy or my friend? I can not tell, except to say that from a historical perspective (time's rose colored glasses) time has been kind to me whether its passing has been wished or or resisted..and I can only hope that history is an indicator of the future.

Angels

There seems to be a rash of sudden passings of those loved by those I love lately. When we got back from our trip I found out about some, and others I just found out tonight. Only one of them was someone I had actually met. Its funny though that the passing of someone who is loved by someone you love can break you. Make you cry. Hard.

There needs to be something said about these people because each of them effected in a beautiful way the people who I love. And sometimes, it doesn't hurt to look at the humanity of it. To take each person's life (or that which I know of it) and share its beauty with the world..so that we can remember, again, how precious our lives, our loves and our families are.

The truth is that when people pass, they are remembered in many ways by those who loved them...but what you don't realize is that the passing of someone whom you don't know well can stun and change you too - if only for the way their presence and passing changed someone you love. Like the little one who never met the mother who was planning for him or her only a couple of weeks into her pregnancy. The little one who changed the life of my friend forever..the little one who none of us will never meet. Like the father figure who was so proud of his "adopted" daughter that he boasted of her proudly as if she were his own - and took care of her mother with love. The man who was strong and sensitive, and I met him on several occasions and can attest to how funny he was. I also remember him as generous in spirit and warmth..and the passing of a man like that from this world is to be noted with sadness. Like the brother in law who passed away at his desk - alone. But who during his life, which had its many challenges offered his own support and love for the dreams of his sister in law. And the uncle of another friend, who well into his years declined treatment for a serious illness and went home to pass, surrounded by family. But before passing, sat up, winked at his wife of 70 years and closed his eyes in peace. A final message of love to last...

I didn't really believe when my Dad passed when people told me that he would never really leave. I couldn't imagine a world without him, let alone a world without him, that still held him. Miraculously, the world did have a place for him. My heart did still hold him and I still hear him. I always miss him.

As those I love will always miss the people in there lives. But they too, will eventually find out what I didn't believe, but eventually I grew to accept and love and believe: Love of all of these people lasts.

Ode to Father's Day

Its been three years since I had a reason to celebrate Father's Day...but gratefully, the celebration of all things "Daddy" is still with me...for some reason or another this week caught me pulling down the box of items that contains all the cards I received from people when my Dad passed. I kept them because many of them contained amazing wisdom and I felt that by keeping that wisdom with me - it would somehow be contained within me (you decide) but all of the cards contained exceptional kindness. If you sent me a card during that time - its still with me...and I cried as I re-read it this week. Also in the box are the cards that I gave my Dad over the last couple of years (yes, rat-packness runs in the family) which HE kept. There were Father's Day cards, and "just because" cards and truly grateful "thank you" cards. They all said the same thing: I admire you, I love you. And, I still do.

Tonight I went past the house. The house where we were most a family - laughed the most, cried the most, celebrated the most...the house on Helena..its also the house my Dad passed away in. I sat there - I talked with my Dad-I asked him to be thankful for all the beautiful things in my life. I thanked him for his spirit which is still with me. I wished he were here to send me off on the next journey of my life: marriage with my soul mate.

I miss my Dad. Terribly. Everyday. I rejoice that I still miss him. I pick the scab once in awhile to remind myself of my incredible good fortune. My Dad would be proud of my life today. He would say " I never thought it would be any different." But that's the thing: he knew it even when I didn't. He would be proud and excited for me that my future Father-in-Law is a man who I am honored to call "Dad" and would have been thrilled to share that title with a man who so wonderfully deserved such an honorific title. And he would have loved Jeff. He would have known why I love Jeff.

My Dad would have reveled in being a Grandfather..and Piper would have followed in a line of "his ladies" in which his world revolved.

All things beautiful are remembered once a year: love. parents. life. If we are really fortunate, we remember them more than once a year...and we celebrate them when we have them. My good fate has allowed me so much joy in my life, how can I NOT celebrate Father's Day. I hope you will all have the same joy in your hearts on Sunday -whether you are celebrating your father, a father figure or your own fatherhood.

Love,
-T.