Well, if you haven't been watching the cable news channels, because of the now "official" Presidential campaign, you are probably destined to do so now. Because of our time difference, we get the "normal" post-work news analysis starting around 1pm. We obviously don't catch much of it. But by 6pm HST, its midnight EST and the quality of news is pretty pathetic, but local news is worse, and we now into reruns on most channels..thus we watch. Jeff calls it "Newstainment" - frankly, its a little sad. First of all, not everyone can be Jon Stewart. Second of all, if you are on MSNBC or CNN, you should not even try.
Let me give you my totally biased run-down on what's available in the Newstainment category.
MSNBC
Countdown with Kieth Oberman
I happen to like Kieth Oberman - but let's be clear, its his show that kicks off the on sc
reen graphic and quick "ESPN-esque" commentary. I mean - the man throws a wadded up piece of paper at the screen each night and the TV "shatters". Its every 12 year old boy's own TV show and Keith Oberman is going to make the most of it, damn it. He even has a countdown that feels eerily similar to David Letterman. Stay tuned for more political commentary from your favorite graphics fanantic, Keith Oberman. He'll probably roll out some real doozies for the Presidential Campaign.
reen graphic and quick "ESPN-esque" commentary. I mean - the man throws a wadded up piece of paper at the screen each night and the TV "shatters". Its every 12 year old boy's own TV show and Keith Oberman is going to make the most of it, damn it. He even has a countdown that feels eerily similar to David Letterman. Stay tuned for more political commentary from your favorite graphics fanantic, Keith Oberman. He'll probably roll out some real doozies for the Presidential Campaign. Up late with Dan Abrams
First all, how did this guy go from being a court room analyst on prime-time, to having his own show in the wee-hours (midnight EST)? Who did he piss off?! At this point in the evening, we no longer simply have news scrolling across the bottom of the screen - oh, no - a full 1/3rd of the screen is jammed up with the show's title, the topic, the unchanging updates regarding who has the most delegates (is THIS neccessary?! It isn't even NEWS 6 hours after the polls in SD closed and the Super Delegates have spoken). And to highlight how much the execs at MSNBC hate him: he has a jazz band, a REAL jazz band, as in Jay Leno, that starts before he finishes talking. AND - to further his humilation - his panelists have no respect for him either. Tonight's show had a "Democratic Strategist" (read: unemployed wonkette) who had on black eyeliner, a leather jacket+T-shirt. Jeff said she looked like a Vegas stripper...SHE DID! I mean, I think she looked like a Vegas stripper with clothes on...if you can wrap your brain around that visual. ANYWHO - the OTHER woman (I didn't see her title, there wasn't enough room on the screen), she wore a gold necklace that looked like a SM Dog Collar. An expensive one, but I was kind of wondering where she was headed after this "after hours" gig.
CNN
I must admit - I had to turn off CNN earlier today. I mean, yah, I feel for the guy that has to talk for 6 hours straight, but he doesn't have to make UP the news - he just has to read it. However, the early morning guy is such a bobble-headed idiot, I can no longer even have a cup of coffee with him in the morning. He NEVER, NEVER asks a smart question. He says things like "yah, uh, huh, I planted a tree this weekend too" I mean, I wish he would just shut up - I don't care about his weekend plans or his incredibly stupid commentary about the benefits of planting a tree on the environment or whether it will actually produce any oranges. I did wonder however, why he chose to plant an orange tree when he lives in the PEACH state? Do you think he maybe missed the connection? On this show - they use alot of props. That is their ratings boost technique.
Later on in the day at CNN:
Anderson Cooper360
Here we have the ultimate news biscuit. This guy got a job because he is a babe 
and can wear an Armani suit while standing in New Orleans reporting on Katrina without looking smug. (Ironically though, the intro into "360" shows him in out door gear looking very much in control of his Ipod earphones). But as much as I like him - and ooooh, do I Eva! - I have to ask WHY he is asking questions like "Is this even news?!" to his panelist. I want to scream "DIPSHIT, if it wasn't SOMEBODY'S idea of news, you would be out of a job!!" Again, we didn't ask you to MAKE the news, just talk about it.
and can wear an Armani suit while standing in New Orleans reporting on Katrina without looking smug. (Ironically though, the intro into "360" shows him in out door gear looking very much in control of his Ipod earphones). But as much as I like him - and ooooh, do I Eva! - I have to ask WHY he is asking questions like "Is this even news?!" to his panelist. I want to scream "DIPSHIT, if it wasn't SOMEBODY'S idea of news, you would be out of a job!!" Again, we didn't ask you to MAKE the news, just talk about it. Larry King
I do not like Larry King. At all. HOWEVER - to his credit, he doesn't have any flashy graphics or pretend to be the news analyst. Which begs the question: why is he on a news channel? I mean they replayed that American Idol Winners and Talent show at least 50 times. That, my friends is the final word in Newstainment.
Now you know, you have a couple of choices. I suggest easing into it and starting with Anderson Cooper. At least while you scratch your head and wonder about whether "this is even news?" your eyes can rest on all the gloriousness of the hottest man in Newstainment.
1 comment:
News? What's news? oh that stuff that's on after 8 pm? Never see it, but after reading this I may have to stretch myself one night - especially for the biscuit. :)
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