Let me begin this posting by saying I have always believed that age is in the brain more than the body. Celebrating birthday's for me has always meant a celebration of past and future. I look at my birthday as my own personal "New Year's Eve", all to myself. I even set "resolutions" each year on my birthday. Every year, I review my "To Do" list of items that I want to do in my lifetime. I must say, the list gets longer faster than items can be crossed off.
This is why I have never understood people getting sad on their birthday's.
Perhaps this explains my shock at my doctor's statement that if I wanted children, "You Better Get On It - Your Getting OLD." I tried not to kick her when she said it, and I must say my self restraint was admirable and only a function of my increasing maturity (not AGE).
Now, I understand the body and its inherent female limitations. I got it. This isn't news to me, and its not the first time I have considered it. I have had many conversations about this very topic with many friends over the last couple of years. Believe it or not, being called "Old" isn't actually what got me. (although when I shared this story with Jeff, he did ask: "did you have to go to the doctor so close to your birthday?")
What sent me off the deep end, I believe, is the idea that I should have children before I feel mentally ready, simply because my body says so. You can see that this is the antithesis of my personal beliefs about age.
I'm mad. I'm mad that I don't get to have 5 or 6 wonderful years of marriage to my best friend before our lives are changed by children. I am mad that although people are living well into their 90's today, child birth is a requirement in the first 1/3 of life. I'm mad because I don't get to choose when I am ready for this incredible journey, but rather need to take it based on TIME CONSTRAINTS. Nothing seems so ridiculous as making this choice based on age, rather than mental readiness.
Half of my friends blow vodka through their noses when they think of me with kids, and the other half (the half with kids) just say "well, you'll make a good mom" in this meek, unconvincing tone, while secretly thinking to themselves "thank god my kids will be too old to play with hers by the time she has them." So is it any wonder that I TOO have a hard time wrapping my brain about this particular life-changing event. C'mon people, I have barely just gotten over the shock of planning a wedding and getting married. Give me a little time to adjust here.
Anyway - I'm going to see my regular doctor soon too. Think I will find someone who specializes in geriatrics, so I can be the "young pup" of the group.
3 comments:
OMG! Wow. I hope she was wearing a faceguard and helmet when she said that! As someone close to you - someone who has kids - let me say two things:
1. The fear of the unknown is always worse than the unknown itself. IE fear of being a parent.
2. The good times with your best friend are just beginning and parenthood will throw your relationship some curves, but will make it all the more rich.
3. (I KNOW I said 2 things, but I meant 3) Someone once said to me that I AM a good mommy because I care so MUCH about being a good mommy. Mmmm, I think you'll be a good mommy, because you'll care so much about being a good mommy. and 4.(I KNOW!) F them all. Do it when YOU are 80% ready - you'll never be 100% ready.
Amen Mia!
The hardest day of your life will be when you don't put that little pill in your mouth for the first time in 18 years!
I stopped shooting vodka out my nose when you talked about babies right after you met ,and I knew that you had a partner who would bring out the best in you in every way - including being a mommy.
Listen to your sister and 'baby mac'. They are saying good things to you. You have already had the benefit of my advice and the knowledge of the three best days of MY life. Remember this: You are my Sunshine.
Mom
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